Uncle Phenom's Agony Page

Cerbera wrote:

Uncle Phenom,

If my wife says "Does my arse look big in this?"

How should I answer?

Don't say anything.Just slap her and ride the waves.Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Cerbera wrote:

Uncle Phenom,

If my wife says "Does my arse look big in this?"

How should I answer?

telling the truth and standing well back. however dont say "YES! It is bloody huge, I can't tell if that's your arse or a mountain range! as that will cost you a slap

I'm thinking about getting a Prince Albert,will that enhance my sex life ?

downthetrack wrote:

I'm thinking about getting a Prince Albert,will that enhance my sex life ?

Yes.

downthetrack wrote:

I'm thinking about getting a Prince Albert,will that enhance my sex life ?

I have been told there is an museum, a concert hall and a square in a british soap named after this cock piercing so yes go for it. however caution if your partner has a piercing as you could get tangled up.

Uncle Phenom, I am agonising over selling my Cerbera, which has had a lot of money spent on it and buying a Jensen Interceptor, a car I have lusted after since I was five. Should I do this? To help here are a couple of pictures, because I realise you may not be a big a petrol head as myself.

My Cerbera on WSM beach:



Here's an Interceptor:

This could be as good as the word game and the mundane thread, so I have moved it over here.

Uncle Phenom,

I'm still waiting.............

Cerbera wrote:

Uncle Phenom,

I'm still waiting.............

Sorry i didn't know the thread was moved lol

Your right i am not the biggest petrol head in the world however i know a bit and top gear is one of my favourite shows.

It all depends on how you feel if you feel a bond with the Cerbera then u must stay true and loyal. You have invested you time and money in the car and its served you well. On the flip side if you truly want the Jensen Interceptor you must only take it on if you are willing to be as loyal and investing of time and money.

personally there is nothing like a new car so compare the stats and go with the best option.

if anyone else wants to help Cerbera then please do.

Uncle Phenom!

A question you are throwing to floor???!!! I am disappointed. Claire Rayner would have given me a much more fulfilling answer and wings too. Perhaps you're a bit more Marge Proops?

Cerbera wrote:

Uncle Phenom!

A question you are throwing to floor???!!! I am disappointed. Claire Rayner would have given me a much more fulfilling answer and wings too. Perhaps you're a bit more Marge Proops?

hey i said i would go with the Jensen Interceptor if if the stats better the cerbera.. Claire Rayner would have told you to seek councelling and dont get me started on Dear Deidre although i ought to do a diary casebook here lol

its a close call so more input would help you i say

S'ok Unc.

Me and Cerb are coming down to HP tomorrow. It will be fine. Before I've even got as far as Cullompton we'll be all loved up again. Think romantic candle lit dinner and expensive underwear later. Except this will be a lot of bangs and crackles and snorts from her, and a wide grin from me.

Cerbera wrote:

S'ok Unc.

Me and Cerb are coming down to HP tomorrow. It will be fine. Before I've even got as far as Cullompton we'll be all loved up again. Think romantic candle lit dinner and expensive underwear later. Except this will be a lot of bangs and crackles and snorts from her, and a wide grin from me.

its the life you must lead we all want a ferrari but sometimes we have to settle for a vauxhall.

Oh dear. It looks like Uncle Phenom's agony was so great that he deleted his account.

Shome Mishtake Shirley?

Maybe he just wants to be Phenom Anon

The deletion has come from his own ISP. That's a shame, I quite liked Phenom's input, but people come and go I guess, and unlike other forums, we do allow people to delete themselves ... we're all adults.. Phenom has long flitted between the two sites, and I suspect the reasoning will appear shortly across the road. He deleted right after he suggested that all the anti Pasoti/Webb/Newell posts should be rounded up and put in a ghetto. Obviously that wasn't going to happen. This isn't Pasoti and we don't do their bidding. Sorry and all that. You're always welcome back Phenom, you know that.
In the neantime, what will people do with their problems ?

penzancepirate wrote:

In the neantime, what will people do with their problems ?

I am prepared to take up the mantle, should my peers be in agreement.

However, I am about to fire up the Cerb and head to HP, so won't be available until later.

Major bump.

The couch is freshly cleaned and open for business.

Nothing to big or to trivial to deal with. Form an orderly queue at the door please.

Dear Uncle Cerbs

Thank goodness you're here!

I was going to put some petrol in the car today, but I just couldn't muster up the requisite panic. Am I normal?

Absolutely.

Totally normal.

Here are some pictures to help you:





Please feel free to print and attach to fridge door/car/petrol station as appropriate.

Dear uncle cerb. That thing you always told me not to tell anyone about when I was little. You know our little secret, well I'm now 18 and have a girlfriend and she did our secret thing to me! Do I still not tell anyone about it?

The thing is I'm not sure if I want to be taken to watch Exeter these days so I really don't know what to do. I really like this girl too, and her cock is bigger than yours.

Dear Jock,

My first thought was 'f--k off back over the border to the heathens who fry everything . However, I realise you are a disturbed child and that Priest meant you no harm, even though you were 10 before you could sit properly.

You know that if you don't take your medication that everything becomes 'real' and that your girlfriend loves you very much. She actually said ( after ' you so big') 'I love Greenjock long time, he give me lot $20 suckeefukee he real deal'

So, saddle up and enjoy the ride like a true Argyle fan.

I admit I have issues with clergymen and only last year threw domestos over my local vicar, but I was charged with a bleach of the priest so I am now a good boy. It still doesn't mean I want to see your puppy again. It's so small and scrawny and when you made me stroke it, it was always sick over me.

Oh and dad told me I don't have to go swimming with you anymore, and I won't sink if you take your finger out of my bum. I have perfectly good armbands and dad says the s fell off your Speedos.

Good grief!

You are far more disturbed than I imagined. I am sorry but I think you have me confused that bloke who played Len Fairclough, even though we have never met and I'm not a northern monkey. I don't have a puppy either.

Please stop this delusional Grecian behaviour and take your medication. We'll soon have you back under the big green flag again and all will be well.