The Saltash Green problem solving page

Seeing as our newest member has made such an 'impression', I think we need to give him a proper platform to provide assistance to all us poor unfortunate souls on here. I will start..


Dear SG

I have recently found myself enjoying the musical delights of 90s boyband N'Sync. What actions would you suggest to cure me of this deeply sinful behaviour?

London Green

Saltash green suggests you go with the flow. They were very popular and made some good pop songs before timberlake got too big for his boots

Saltash green hopes this was sound advice for you

LG, you deserve to placed in stocks and beaten with silver darlings then have salt forced down your third eye to cleanse your soul for listening to that shit

SG, I have a friend who had an argument with another friend, and the argument got so bad that he decided not to be friends with the friend any more.

They were friends from a club they belonged to, that talked about a football club they both liked.

My friend was so upset that he decided to start another club to talk about the football club, and to really rub his former friends nose in it, he made friends with people who used to be the enemies of both of them, as they were in another gang and were sometimes bullys.

Should my friend swallow his pride and shake hands with his old friend, and tell his new friends that they were no longer in his gang? Or is it best to leave the new gang be and let them do as they please? The other option could be for all of the friends to make friends, make friends, never ever break friends, even with the former bullys. This last option is highly unlikely though because the other gang of bullies are a bunch of cock-suckers.

Dear SG, if a woman says no does she really mean yes?

Saltash green needs to know if the friend Greenjock is talking about is really him.

Saltash green also needs to know if Greenjock really wants to be in the cock sucker gang. Be advised unless saltash green knows the true facts saltash green can't offer accurate advice

saltash green thinks seadog Should hand himself in to a high security prison ,

Dear Saltash Green

A friend and I will be in the Ilfracombe area in a couple of weeks. We noticed that Ilfracombe Town have got a friendly match on one night so we're thinking of going to it.

Thing is, though, we've heard the opponents - Cullompton Rovers or something - are really bad and their manager's a foul-mouthed lout. Obviously we'd support the home team anyway, but we'd rather not waste our time if it's not going to be a decent match.

What would Jesus do?

Saltash green would suggest that you attend the game with an open mind

Saltash green wrote:

Saltash green needs to know if the friend Greenjock is talking about is really him.

Saltash green also needs to know if Greenjock really wants to be in the cock sucker gang. Be advised unless saltash green knows the true facts saltash green can't offer accurate advice

No it's not me SG. It's a friend of mine who had an argument with another friend of mine, bit awkward for a few people stuck in the middle see? And I definitely don't want to be in the cocksuckers gang, I would rather go to a church service followed by a trip to a pet shop than be anywhere near their gang.

Dear SG, what medium, in your experience is the best for grooming young boys, the internet on sites such as this or on supporter's coaches?

Saltash green does not have any experience of grooming young boys

SG, many years ago my dear old aunty bought great shame upon the family when she got caught rogering the vicar from Tamerton Foliot. I can't travell through Tamerton Foliot without the sense of disgrace on my shoulders all beacause my aunty really was a church goer, do you think it's fair that the family should still carry this burden.

One more thing. When discussing what music to take on our little holiday, my friend and I nearly came to blows over which Chas and Dave tracks to take. She says Gertcha was their only good one, but I really like this one.

What do you think?

Some people are beginning to say that you are the new Messiah, come to save the world and that you are starting with the hardest task of saving ATD. Is this not true?

Highwayman wrote:

LG, you deserve to placed in stocks and beaten with silver darlings then have salt forced down your third eye to cleanse your soul for listening to that shit

I did agree with this proposal. But after advice from the wonderful SG, my soul is now cleansed thoroughly and I have moved on to more refined music (Cheryl Cole now tops my iPod playlist)

Saltash green does not like that song Peggy. Saltash green has already rated on another thread that he is currently favoring " call me maybe" by Carly Rae jepson. Saltash green is confused as to why you have to take music to a football match though


Saltash green is not here to save people. Only to guide

seadog wrote:

Dear SG, if a woman says no does she really mean yes?

Based on a recently posted link from Highwayman, I would suggest you turn your attentions to something with four legs if you find rejection from a woman

LondonGreen wrote:

Highwayman wrote:

LG, you deserve to placed in stocks and beaten with silver darlings then have salt forced down your third eye to cleanse your soul for listening to that shit

I did agree with this proposal. But after advice from the wonderful SG, my soul is now cleansed thoroughly and I have moved on to more refined music (Cheryl Cole now tops my iPod playlist)

If your soul had been thoroughly cleansed, you would be listening to Cliff Richard.

LondonGreen wrote:

seadog wrote:

Dear SG, if a woman says no does she really mean yes?

Based on a recently posted link from Highwayman, I would suggest you turn your attentions to something with four legs if you find rejection from a woman

Plenty of dogs walking the streets.

56 posts in one day good going SG.

im not sure whether to sign up for the new site instigated by cerbs and gob and newell, should i, and what are the side effects if i do?

Saltash green has been hard at work for a few hours. Saltash green will catch up with you all tonight. As saltash green is attending pre season training with saltash united straight from my place of work

You are ModBod and I claim my £10

seadog wrote:

Dear SG, what medium, in your experience is the best for grooming young boys, the internet on sites such as this or on supporter's coaches?

On here I recks.

Some of the totty aboot on ATD makes me bum water.