Uncle Phenom's Agony Page

pepsipete wrote:

My dick is far to big and keeps getting in the way. any suggestions?

My suggestion try porn for a living then the only way is up.

Me and my friend, Liam Powell, single handedly saved our local happy shopper from going into liquidation. Most of the villagers love us for it and throw rose petals whereever we walk, they agree with whatever we say and buy lots of useless shit from Liam on ebay. But there are a growing number who question what we say and don't see us as heroes. I do my best to not answer their questions and make up lots of bullshit, but its got to the point where I won't go down their street, as they are making me look stupid (and the other villagers are noticing). Do you think they should worship me?

Chemical Ali wrote:

Me and my friend, Liam Powell, single handedly saved our local happy shopper from going into liquidation. Most of the villagers love us for it and throw rose petals whereever we walk, they agree with whatever we say and buy lots of useless shit from Liam on ebay. But there are a growing number who question what we say and don't see us as heroes. I do my best to not answer their questions and make up lots of bullshit, but its got to the point where I won't go down their street, as they are making me look stupid (and the other villagers are noticing). Do you think they should worship me?

Dear Uncle Phenom,
I fear that you, without doubting your great knowledge,and expertise will be unable to help in this case !
I suffer from Argylitis a well known local condition ,which has been known to escape the confines of Jannerland even in some cases going global.The addiction is now affecting my sleep often awaking in cold sweat with the words doomed doomed doomed ringing in my ears,Dreams are no longer erotic or even porn rated,I always seem to be chased by little green meanies who keep shouting 1886 and Avivas rule.
Is there any hope for me.How can this addiction and weird dreams be overcome ?

Concerned of Plymouth

Chemical Ali wrote:

Me and my friend, Liam Powell, single handedly saved our local happy shopper from going into liquidation. Most of the villagers love us for it and throw rose petals whereever we walk, they agree with whatever we say and buy lots of useless shit from Liam on ebay. But there are a growing number who question what we say and don't see us as heroes. I do my best to not answer their questions and make up lots of bullshit, but its got to the point where I won't go down their street, as they are making me look stupid (and the other villagers are noticing). Do you think they should worship me?

you did well to single handily save the local happy shopper and helped spar takeover instead of tesco that seem to be almost there and constantly delays. You were quite rightly thanked for your efforts by the customers you lead.

But with great power comes great responsibilities you represent spar and its customers now and as a result u should reach out to local customers who remain sceptical about spar motives for the shop and feel insulted when you speak to them as if they were no better than a exeter fan. You should learn to accept criticism and not label customers who do as allsorts it makes you look silly.

as for you friend no forum should have as much influence on a shop owner as he does its going end in tears. if you want customers to welcome you more then its time to reflect, think before you speak and actually speak for all customers not just the agreeable few. Also as hard as it sounds if a product isnt selling you need to pull of the shelves like tell your customers to sing of selected songsheets.

i hope this helps

erewegoagin wrote:

Dear Uncle Phenom,
I fear that you, without doubting your great knowledge,and expertise will be unable to help in this case !
I suffer from Argylitis a well known local condition ,which has been known to escape the confines of Jannerland even in some cases going global.The addiction is now affecting my sleep often awaking in cold sweat with the words doomed doomed doomed ringing in my ears,Dreams are no longer erotic or even porn rated,I always seem to be chased by little green meanies who keep shouting 1886 and Avivas rule.
Is there any hope for me.How can this addiction and weird dreams be overcome ?

Concerned of Plymouth

Argylitis is a very rare but contagious disease which symptoms often differ but normal include delusional thinking, like dreams of paying players with pasties, trying to sell merchandise of an aviva advert design to mock argyle fans and believing players like Kanu will join you every summer.

there is only one cure that is wake up and see things for what they are.

hope this helps

Me bollocks hang out of my wife's pants when i ware them.is there a solution to this ?

downthetrack wrote:

Me bollocks hang out of my wife's pants when i ware them.is there a solution to this ?

either buy your wife bigger pants that also fit you or tuck your bollocks in when wearing them. Just becareful as you sit down as if you squash your bollocks your going to have a bad time.

Thanks great advise,but the thong is like a cheese wire up me crack.

downthetrack wrote:

Thanks great advise,but the thong is like a cheese wire up me crack.

Should we call you upmecrack from now on?

Chemical Ali wrote:

downthetrack wrote:

Thanks great advise,but the thong is like a cheese wire up me crack.

Should we call you upmecrack from now on?

downthetrack wrote:

the thong is like a cheese wire up me crack.

If it helps, it's the same for us. I blame the fashion journalists.

You know you've grown up when you choose underwear on the grounds of comfort

Should I destroy my computer before I die?

Peggy wrote:

downthetrack wrote:

the thong is like a cheese wire up me crack.

If it helps, it's the same for us. I blame the fashion journalists.

You know you've grown up when you choose underwear on the grounds of comfort

If you mean "us" as in females, then I don't agree.
I haven't grown up, but do chose underwear based on comfort. I don't find thongs uncomfortable at all.

ZeeZan6 wrote:

Peggy wrote:

downthetrack wrote:

the thong is like a cheese wire up me crack.

If it helps, it's the same for us. I blame the fashion journalists.

You know you've grown up when you choose underwear on the grounds of comfort

If you mean "us" as in females, then I don't agree.
I haven't grown up, but do chose underwear based on comfort. I don't find thongs uncomfortable at all.

Careful Zeezan you'll get Mock over excited

ZeeZan6 wrote:

Peggy wrote:

downthetrack wrote:

the thong is like a cheese wire up me crack.

If it helps, it's the same for us. I blame the fashion journalists.

You know you've grown up when you choose underwear on the grounds of comfort

If you mean "us" as in females, then I don't agree.
I haven't grown up, but do chose underwear based on comfort. I don't find thongs uncomfortable at all.

Oh.

Maybe I mean women over 30 then

The day you loose your sense of humor,you just as well give up.

Uncle Phenom I have a problem.

I've called a big nasty man a nasty name in a PM and now i'm scared because he has threatened to come and egg my house....

What do I do??

Yea Man wrote:

Uncle Phenom I have a problem.

I've called a big nasty man a nasty name in a PM and now i'm scared because he has threatened to come and egg my house....

What do I do??

find him before he finds you

GOB wrote:

Should I destroy my computer before I die?

yes there will nothing more embrassing to your children to find the porn links.

Tringreen wrote:

Chemical Ali wrote:

downthetrack wrote:

Thanks great advise,but the thong is like a cheese wire up me crack.

Should we call you upmecrack from now on?

Splendid interruption from the Tringmeister!

Anyway, Phenom, if a Lady is suffering from "small man syndrome" what should she do?

ZeeZan6 wrote:

Peggy wrote:

downthetrack wrote:

the thong is like a cheese wire up me crack.

If it helps, it's the same for us. I blame the fashion journalists.

You know you've grown up when you choose underwear on the grounds of comfort

If you mean "us" as in females, then I don't agree.
I haven't grown up, but do chose underwear based on comfort. I don't find thongs uncomfortable at all.

If I manage the Guildhall on Saturday I will try to greet you and, if I do, I will keep this post in my mind. And, if I say hello, to Mr Newell I will try to do the same - it will take my mind off it.

seadog wrote:

Tringreen wrote:

Chemical Ali wrote:

downthetrack wrote:

Thanks great advise,but the thong is like a cheese wire up me crack.

Should we call you upmecrack from now on?

Splendid interruption from the Tringmeister!

Anyway, Phenom, if a Lady is suffering from "small man syndrome" what should she do?

get laid and pipe down

funny man wrote:

ZeeZan6 wrote:

Peggy wrote:

downthetrack wrote:

the thong is like a cheese wire up me crack.

If it helps, it's the same for us. I blame the fashion journalists.

You know you've grown up when you choose underwear on the grounds of comfort

If you mean "us" as in females, then I don't agree.
I haven't grown up, but do chose underwear based on comfort. I don't find thongs uncomfortable at all.

If I manage the Guildhall on Saturday I will try to greet you and, if I do, I will keep this post in my mind. And, if I say hello, to Mr Newell I will try to do the same - it will take my mind off it.

Haha I will bear that in mind if we do meet, that u will be thinking about my underwear!

Uncle Phenom,

If my wife says "Does my arse look big in this?"

How should I answer?