My loopy mother. Bless her.

Got mother staying for a few days. She's half deaf and whole daft, but the little lad adores her

So it's been Challenge on TV for the last couple of days, repeats of Michael Barrymore's Strike it Rich. There's a dwarf on one of the teams and Mum says, "They have to have one oddity on every show you know"

ME "What do you mean oddity"

MUM "Well there's always a black or a Chinese one or a disabled one, it must be the law or something"

ME "The law of what"

MUM "Gameshows. They have to have an oddity on every show, or they always do anyway"

ME "What do you mean oddity"

MUM "You know, black, or in a wheelchair or a poof"

ME "Well if the dwarf's a lesbian they don't have to have a darkie on"

MUM "Oooh yeah that's clever, kill two birds with one stone"



And before anyone accuses me of being racist, I was taking the piss out of her, bless her cottons.

The next episode is on and there's a darkie

She single?

Who my mum? Yeah she's a widow. Or the darkie? No she was with her fella. They won £7000

My mum's a widow too. But she's not black. Which is a shame.

Would be pretty cool to have a spidermum...

Greenjock wrote:

Who my mum? Yeah she's a widow. Or the darkie? No she was with her fella. They won £7000

Ah, £7k eh.

Back in the days where the prize money doled out on these shows was pitiful as the contestant's clothes.

Unless we're tokking BBC here, where the practice remains...the channel where you have to beat 10 other people to win a tenner, while the likes of Norton, Lineker and Hansen get paid millions to roll out the same cliches and lack of knowledge they were gracelessly spewing 15 years ago.

Well it was about twenty years old. Before Barrymore found alternative uses for traffic cones.

He was a megastar back then. Awight at the back!

Kids say the funniest things was my fave:

"Awright 4 year old Boy, do you have a girlfriend?"

"Yes I have three"

*audience piss themselves*


"Awright 6 year old girl, do your parents argue?"

"Yes about cheese"

*audience piss themselves*


"Awright 5 year old boy, do you like girls?"

"Yes my mum is nice"

*audience piss themselves*

Repeat ad finitum...


Twas Fookin A.

Awight young gullible bloke. Do you like drugs, pool party's and having a traffic cone shoved up yer backside?

Awkward silence.

Greenjock wrote:

Awight young gullible bloke. Do you like drugs, pool party's and having a traffic cone shoved up yer backside?

Awkward silence.

You have just libeled 25 people on pasoti.

Also on the mother front, I said to my mother who was burning some garden waste the other day, "why don't you put it out for recycling, think of the environment?" She said, "I'm sick to death of the environment, back in the day we burnt everything and the environment is still here, it's just all those hippies just love to moan about things."
Take that David Attenborough.

When my phone rang my old fella, bless him, tried to answer using the TV remote.

Oldies can be quite comical - if unintentionally, at times.

I've got my mum round for sunday roast today. The contents of her handbag could probably rival Boots Pharmacy for sheer prescription-drug volume.

She's the only person I know that will take Co-Codamol and Distalgesics, even before she has any type of pain.

I think she calls it "preventative measures."

It's the youngster's that sport the biggest war chest of drugs. Just look at their wine racks and fridges.

And as for Davy Attenborough being a hippy ... do me a favour Iggy , he's the opposite of a hippie ... he's old school, and was only converted reletively recently to environmental global warming evidence. As for environmental concerns, a middle aged friend of mine last week all too soon joined the long list of Dockyardees up in the sky due to asbestosis. A pity there weren't more hippies in the dockyard at the time warning them of the environmental poisons they were working with. And what is the government doing ? setting about repealing huge swathes of health and safety procedures at work ... they're all heart.

Listened to that old craggy Goldie Hawn on the radio Desert Island Discs today .. she seemed to be talking sense for an old 'un ... far more so than when she was 20 and banging windows on Rowan and Martin's Laugh in.
Middle aged (30 to 60) folk are the most comical..... tucked up at home .... "we're going to win the league this year" .... yeah .... ok Chris ... about time you were off down the pub isn't it... bless.

Czarcasm wrote:

She's the only person I know that will take Co-Codamol and Distalgesics, even before she has any type of pain.

I think she calls it "preventative measures."

Don't feckin joke, that was exactly the advice my GP gave me when discussing how to deal with the pain of degenerating hips (before I discovered the magical qualities of Glucosamine). I was to take strong pain killers before the pain came on. "Right Doc, how do I manage that, exactly".

Even some complementary healers such as osteopaths will advise some patients to take for instance NSAIDs for back problems to augment their own treatment, not for their pain killing qualities, but for their anti inflamatory ability ... and that 'course' of drugs should be viewed as a course of anti biotics to be taken for a certain time period, not as some reactive pain-killer. Very similar to many old herbal practices across the world ... good advice I would say as long as it ain't done too often and one scoffs food with them.

With bad hips and hip replacements, bursitis can be a problem, and drugs like diclofenac should be taken, not neccessarily for the pain, but as a course to bring down the swelling that can be more painful than the joint itself.

Lulz at the oldies on here discussing hip replacements.