Colin

Those of you familiar with my Colin stories on the other site will need no reminding of the fact that he’s a bit of a loon. For everyone else, well, he’s a bit of a loon.

My mum and step dad came up on Wednesday afternoon to stay until Sunday. Thursday morning 4.30am they are in the back bedroom and are awoken by the sound of Colin trying to get his dog, Tyson, back into the house. Now a normal person would put on some shoes and go get the dog quietly, but we’re talking about Colin here.
According to my parents he stood for a good 30 minutes calling the dog every name under the sun and for one reason or another Tyson did not want to go back into that house.
Eventually “Ty Ty” made a bolt for it, under the fence and into our garden (I really must sort that out). So now Colin is a bit stuffed and shouts up to his son Craig who’s asleep (like most of the neighbours were 30 minutes previous). “Craig come and sort your f*****g dog out” or words to that effect.
Craig then does his usual climb over the fence (I really must sort that out) into our garden and manages to catch Tyson within about 20 seconds. Now, the obvious things to do is go to my gate, open it, bring the dog with him and repeat the gate operation into his own garden, but no. Craig, who weighs probably 8 stone and looks about 11 (he’s 18) decides he’s going to lift the Staff/Mastiff cross over the fence. Poor Craig has history of getting into trouble climbing over my fence so I wish I’d witnessed it with my own eyes, but my mum and stepdad said it was one of the funny things they’d ever seen, even at 5am.
All the time this was going on Colin was belting out instructions from his back steps with the pick of the bunch “pick it up you scrawny little C**t”. Tyson survived the ordeal but Craig win’s the whole event for his comeback to his Dad “you try and pick him up fatman, he weighs a f*****g tonne”.
I must pop round and thank them for the massive turd deposited in our garden. That’s getting shoveled over their fence under the cover of darkness later.

 That'll show him.

You mean Craig crapped in your garden?

knecht wrote:

You mean Craig crapped in your garden?

Oh Christ, I really don't know. Maybe.

What a lovely introduction to Colin for your family. I expect you'll have difficulty persuading them to go out anywhere, as they won't want to miss any more escapades.

Nice to have our own Colin thread  

Everytime I see Colin mentioned I expect it to be Neil Warnock.

So did I Pete! I thought someone had called for him to come back to HP! 

He couldn't do any worse.

Who? Chingers' Colin or Warnock?

Perhaps Chingers' neighbour is a footballing genius.

who the feck is colin anyway?

Angry wrote:

who the feck is colin anyway?

Read the first sentence of the first paragraph of this post, then try and work it out.

As it goes, one of my neighbours is an actual Exeter fan (from Exeter) but he's such a ponsy hen-pecked nancy boy, I couldn't begin to piece together anything at all remotely interesting regarding his life and times.

As far as I understand it, Colin is the much maligned and misunderstood neighbour of Chingers. He has a lot to put up with. A neighbour who constantly takes pictures of his garden, ridicules his wife, children & dog and makes up stories about him.

I await stories of how Chingers makes up with Colin and apologises.

Having seen a photo of Colin (albeit taken from behind a curtain) and followed Chingers' saga over the months (or is it years?), I'd have to say that's highly unlikely, Knecht  

Warnock would be a disaster, no money to spend so basically we'd be f**ked!

Best advice Chingers is move if you can of course.............

Is the Chingers / Colin saga on pasoti?

mouldyoldgoat wrote:

Is the Chingers / Colin saga on pasoti?

Yes, "My name is Chingers Paine and I'm a nosey neigbour". "I'm a bloody nosey neighbour".

Lad at work today got Neil Warnocks autograph. He was suprised when I mentioned that his nickname is Colin Wanker. Who exactly do you live next to Chingers?

Steve

Moist_Von_Lipwig wrote:

mouldyoldgoat wrote:

Is the Chingers / Colin saga on pasoti?

Yes, "My name is Chingers Paine and I'm a nosey neigbour". "I'm a bloody nosey neighbour".

He kind of forces me into being a nosey neighbour (you haven't seen me right). When he stops acting like a loon I'll stop the stalking. As for taking over as manager of Argyle. Can't see any problem with that. He's got the hair dryer bit sorted.