Facebook

Just wanted to get opinions on an issue im having with my 11 year old

About a 6 months ago I had murder with him as he wanted to go on facebook as '' all his friends were ''

I didn't want him to be the odd one out so agreed to let him on but with a couple of conditions,


He is friends with no adults ( including family members)
Off by 9pm
and I have to have his password


he is no revolting and protesting the above conditions

am I being harsh ????

Ban him from it.

Ive just changed his password,

think some time off it will do him good

Dane, my 12 year old has been wanting to go on there for over 2 years. I have said no until she is the correct age for the site.

She has a mobile and an ipad and the conditions are that she only speaks to, texts or face times people of her own age she knows (like school friends). The other one has an xbox and ipad and he has the same conditions.

Its not a case of being harsh or not, it is you being comfortable with him or her on there. You have their well being at the heart of it.

Dane - It's obviously an open goal given your history but in this case I think you're doing the right thing. The only word of caution...adopting any "I know best" attitude to a "nearly" teenager is probably not the best way.

Why not try and explain why, hold firm on your "not negotiables" and stay firm but in a calm manner always of course with the overall message that you love them without question but your job is to raise them to the best of your ability and in your opinion having them control their facebook, is a step too far.

Ignore the "but so and so's Dad let's them do it" that is simply a decision each parent makes. That is up to them but you disagree with them etc.

By the way, I wouldn't admit to changing their password. If you can reverse it and resort to dialogue much better me thinks.

caveat to add "WTF do I know?" Have a 7 year old and a 5 year old. The 7 year old is only 33 years away from getting parole from her room...daughters!!

Thanks Mouldy

I never wanted him on it in the first place, however I was the only one, his mother doesn't give a shit and my parents said I was being over harsh.

so I backed down, totally regret it now

as you can tell me and his mother don't live together but she treats him like he is 22 not 11 so its a difficult situation when I appear to be the only one out of the 2 of us who give a shit

He is over my place tomorrow night, ill sit down with him then and have a chat with him

Tough one Dane, I feel for you, particularly if you're pissing in the wind.

You'll know only too well that the internet is a place which can be extremely cruel.

We try to preach (I think almost conflicting messages) that the world is essentially made up of good people. People (in the main) are friendly and have good hearts...yet we don't want them exposed to "life" too early. They're children FFS.

11 is not 18. 11 is just starting your proper school life. You're 6 months from still being in primary school!! FFS I thought the Thompson Twins were cool....as for Nik Kershaw...well!!!

Keep defending your child's childhood. Plenty of time to be a cynical bastard. Crikey at this rate he'll be drinking with Tring and listening to jazz with Knecht before he's 14

LOL..

Get the speech rehearsed... You got instagram and snapchat to deal with soon.

He has instagram already

You're not wrong Rickler. I have "researched"   hypocrite I know..some sites that are banned from all normal forums and it scares the shit out of me the freedom to record anything, hence why she's not allowed out for another 33 years.

I know what you mean Dick!. It scares the shit out of me when I see kids about 6/7/8 years old on their own on the way to school, crossing main roads which I would worry about my girl crossing.

As for keeping her in her room till she is 33, that is a no no for me because mine would kick the shit out of me! This is a girl who at the age of 9, hurt a martial arts teacher so much he had to sit out of the lesson for 15 minutes.

My boys are 18 and 21, they've grown up with the development of the Internet into truly social media. I have never really GOT Facebook, I can see its uses but have never signed up and use my wife's account to contact any friends abroad (which is the best use of it IMO). Before you go putting conditions on your kid Dane bear this in mind.
1) Kids are born with a Microsoft operating system and some simple games already installed in their brains.
2) we weren't.
3) you can parental control the arse off your pc, their lappy ect. then they get their phone out, whilst you are changing that they will reset your privacy settings on the pc so you can't get online. (that has happened to me more than once).
4) social media isn't that bad, they need to be guided through the pitfalls by their parents in the same way that you tackle road safety or safe sex. Simply banning or trying to ban them from Facebook will probably turn them devious, they will be online, you just won't know.
5) what is your ACTUAL problem with them being on FB? Nail, that one down and you can then probably deal with the issue that you have with it.
6) mine use it to arrange parties and social events, they would be outcasts without it, think about that long and hard, you don't want to be an outcast age 11.

If your kids are streetwise, as most are these days, there shouldn't be a problem.

The resentment from denying them what all their friends are doing will be far worse. Our daughter was 12 when we came to Cyprus, leaving behind all her friends in England. The internet/facebook has enabled them to keep in touch, like she'd never left.

See if he wants to sign up to the ATD.

I'll give him a mod position in return for never posting on that other site.

    

My eldest grandson is eleven..... so just finishing primary school...he has access to the internet and uses it only by himself to interact with class mates in a forum set up by the school so that they can discuss school work and projects together....which he is fine about......his class teacher has access to the site and reviews all that is discussed and gives her opinion and guidance at all times.....so everyone is known that uses the site and no one else has access to it....it seems to work at this age and helps to develop their computer skills.

There's no point in putting obstacles in the way. None at all. If you ban him from FBing at home he'll do it elsewhere and then you'll have no control whatsoever.

This is just like drinking, smoking or sex. If they are old enough to physically do it then there's nothing you can do to stop them if they want to. Much better to educate them so that they are aware of the dangers and know there could be consequences (no need to be specific because they'll invent far worse in their minds than you were ever likely to consider) to their own behaviour.

Fascistic parenting works well with young children by the time they are 11? Try a new approach.

Besides if they can't at 11 when can they? 12? 13? 16?

There's no point kicking the can down the road. Get it sorted now.

Problem I have. Is I'd live to let him have access back to Facebook , but he stays on it till 11.30 at night as his mother won't make him leave all his devices downstairs when he goes to bed despite continuous requests by me.

If his mother won't work with me on this I have to put I sticks in the way that may seem more ott

Just put conditions on use like off at ten, bit of give and take. Sounds like most of your problems are with the ex not the kid.

Turn the wifi off at a previously stated time.

Action. Consequence. Nothing unfair to argue against.

How about (secretly) getting a timer switch and plugging the router power supply into the mains through that so that it simply shuts off at a certain time?

Paradoxically some kids who are given excessive leeway elsewhere (i.e. at your ex's) often welcome a bit of "firm boundaries" somewhere else. I think some young kids can be confused and a little intimidated by totally unrestricted freedoms and welcome the idea that someone else is making some decisions for them. It also teaches them that in many areas of life there are "grey zones" where not everyone applies the same standards and as long as you and your ex can agree on the fundamentals, an hour's difference in Facebook finish time is neither here nor there.

Are there other things you could be doing together in the evenings which are well away from any computer (difficult, I know, in these busy times)?

Good luck!

(Doesn't Facebook state somewhere on it's terms and conditions that it's for 13 year olds and older? Tell him that if he breaks that rule then eventually that Julian Assange will come and get him!)

Report all of his friends accounts on the sly for being too young.

If they're not on there, there's no point in him being on there either.

Take him to the woods to climb a tree.
Show him what a conker is and what to do with it and a piece of string.
Show him how to make a dutch arrow.
Build a mud dam with him.
Build a den with him.
etc.

GOB wrote:

Take him to the woods to climb a tree.
Show him what a conker is and what to do with it and a piece of string.
Show him how to make a dutch arrow.
Build a mud dam with him.
Build a den with him.
etc.

My boys have done all that, they have also researched on you tube how to make a pipe bomb.