A new low for the Herald

Reporting on a fictional season   Manchester United, Brighton, Charlton Athletic and Blackpool will be celebrating league titles in May 2017 and disgraced ex-England manager Sam Allardyce will return to the Premier League this season - that's if Football Manager 2017 is to be believed.

Here at the Herald we received our codes for the beta version of the game this week, and the first thing I did with my copy was to fast-forward 12 months into the future to see who the database predicted would be tasting glory after the 2016/17 campaign.

As already mentioned, United, Brighton, Charlton and Blackpool are predicted to win their respective leagues this season (see more below) but, I am sorry to say, that Football Manager 2017 is predicting more promotion heartbreak for Plymouth Argyle.

READ NEXT: How good is Plymouth Argyle's squad according to Football Manager 2017?

The prediction that we ran turned out to be particularly cruel as Argyle reached the play-off final once again only to lose it at the hands of Colchester United.

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Football Manager 2017 has predicted a repeat of Plymouth Argyle's play-off final heartbreak

And the manner of the defeat looks to have been even more devastating than when AFC Wimbledon triumphed 2-0 over a lacklustre Argyle side at the end of last season.

Not turning up is one thing, but in Football Manager's sim into the future, Jimmy Spencer handed Argyle a two-goal lead in the first 20 minutes of the game but a brace from Chris Porter and a winning goal for Ryan Meadows saw Colchester come from behind and get promoted with a 3-2 victory.

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The final 2016/17 League Two table according to Football Manager - Newport finished bottom

Argyle had qualified for the play-off final having finished in sixth place and beaten Wycombe Wanderers 3-0 on aggregate in the semi-finals. Colchester had seen off Portsmouth to make the trip to Wembley.

It was Crawley and Carlisle who joined Blackpool in the top three automatic promotion spots.

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Plymouth Argyle's players sorted by their overall average rating on the season

But there were some encouraging achievements posted by Argyle in the hypothetical universe created by Football Manager as Graham Carey won the award for most assists in 2016/17.

The mesmeric midfielder assisted 13 strikes throughout the campaign.

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The final standings for the League Two player stats in our one-year simulation on Football Manager 2017

And forward Paul-Arnold Garita, on loan from Bristol City, was the joint-second top goalscorer in the league with 17 strikes to his name. Ironically, he was tied in second place with none-other than Exeter City man Reuben Reid, formerly of Argyle.

Oscar Threlkeld also took the gong for most distance covered per game averaging 9.72 km every 90 minutes.

READ NEXT: Who are the fastest League Two players on Football Manager 2017?
Premier League

As already mentioned, Jose Mourinho guided Manchester United to their first league title since Sir Alex Ferguson's departure in his debut campaign with the Red Devils.

Tottenham continued their recent surge up the Premier League pecking order and FINALLY managed to finish above Arsenal who, along with Manchester City, completed the top four.

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Manchester United were the 2016/17 Premier League champions

Bournemouth were the season's over-achievers as they secured a sixth-place finish under Eddie Howe's guidance while failing to qualify for the Champions League cost Antonio Conte his job at Chelsea.

Leonardo Jardim took his post at Stamford Bridge while Sven-Goran Eriksson took over from a sacked Alan Pardew at Crystal Palace.

But the biggest managerial change of the season came when Everton handed the Goodison Park job to disgraced former England manager Sam Allardyce in January - less than six months after he left his national team position under a dark cloud.

You can see the Toffees logic, though. Ronald Koeman had steered the club to the brink of relegation and the introduction of Allardyce saw them escape the drop by the skin of their teeth; and at the expense of the most recent club he saved from relegation: Sunderland.

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The managerial movements during the 2016/17 season

Not surprisingly, Sergio Aguero was the division's top goal scorer with 20 strikes to his name while Everton's Romelu Lukaku came second with 19.

And it was the 15 goals apiece for Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Juan Mata - combined with the 17 clean sheets kept by David de Gea - which saw United win the league by nine points.

Mesut Ozil posted 16 assists and topping the charts for that stat as part of a stellar season which saw him nominated for the Ballon d'Or final three. More on that later.

N'Golo Kante covered the most ground in the Premier League once again. But you didn't need a Football Manager sim to predict that one, did you?

The most surprising transfer of the campaign was Manchester City's decision to spend £26 million on a 28-year-old Steven N'Zonzi from Sevilla.

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Mesut Ozil was the player of the season according to the overall average ratings

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£26 million for Steven N'Zonzi?! Are you serious?!

READ NEXT: Why was Joe Day sent off for Newport against Plymouth Argyle? The new red card rule explained
Championship

Brighton & Hove Albion won the Championship pipping Newcastle United to the title by five points while Birmingham City won the play-off final against Bristol City.

Blackburn surprised everyone in the end by finishing as high as eighth despite their early season struggles while Huddersfield, currently third in real life after a fantastic start to the season, nearly went down.

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Chris Hughton guided Brighton to the Championship title

In fact, they only stayed up by two points as Preston, Barnsley and Burton Albion went down to League One.

Clayton Donaldson was the division's top goal scorer with 24 strikes while Danny Graham fired Blackburn to their overachievement with 20 goals.

Will Grigg wasn't quite as on fire as he was in League One but netted 15 times for Wigan in 35 appearances. That's not bad.

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The full stats for the Championship

READ NEXT: Plymouth Argyle player in court to deny rape allegation
League One

Despite Football Manager's long-term affiliation with AFC Wimbledon, the 2017 game predicted that they would finish bottom of League One in 2016/17.

And to rub salt in the wound, MK Dons finished second behind Charlton Athletic. It's a good job this is just a game and in real life, the real Dons are currently sixth with Milton Keynes languishing in 19th.

Oldham, Rochdale and Shrewsbury joined Neal Ardley's men in the bottom four while Bradford City beat Port Vale at Wembley to return to the second tier of English football.

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The final League One table

Considering the news of late, it seemed almost inevitable that Ched Evans would finish my prediction as the League One top goal scorer.

The former Sheffield United striker, who was found not guilty of rape this month, bagged 21 goals for Chesterfield.

Port Vale's Anthony Grant notched up a whopping 18 assists on the season.

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League One stats

READ NEXT: Fantasy Premier League tips - why not to play your wildcard just yet
FA Cup

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West Brom won the FA Cup and qualified for the Europa League

There was some good old-fashion FA Cup magic in our one-year sim as Tony Pulis guided his West Brom side to cup glory. Who said his style of football never wins anything?

The Baggies won a thrilling FA Cup final against Jose Mourinho's Manchester United side edging the tie on penalties. The missing spot kick which lost the game for the Red Devils was taken by none other than the most expensive player in the world, Paul Pogba. Awkward.

West Brom beat Sunderland, West Ham, Newcastle, Watford and Stoke on their way to Wembley while United saw off Scunthorpe, MK Dons, Cardiff City, Middlesbrough and Hull before being defeated by the Baggies.

READ NEXT: Green Barmy - Argyle beaten despite memorable Tommy Tynan hat-trick
League Cup

Southampton won the League Cup by beating Norwich City in the final thanks to two goals from Jay Rodriguez.

A fitting return to regular action for the Saints.
Champions League

Manchester City's European woes were finally rectified after Pep Guardiola guided them to Champions League glory.

And it just had to be Barcelona who they beat in the final, didn't it? Script.

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Manchester City won the Champions League final against Barcelona

Beating his former club on the biggest stage is certainly an achievement, but Pep's City side had to do that with 10 men for almost the whole game.

Pablo Zabaleta was issued with a red card just 12 minutes into the game; and that was eight minutes before a Vincent Kompany own-goal handed Barcelona an early lead.

David Silva and Kevin De Bruyne were the heroes for the Citizens in the end as they scored the goals to turn the tie around and bring the Champions League trophy back to England.

READ NEXT: League Two managers linked with vacant job at Shrewsbury Town
Europa League

Manchester United may have suffered embarrassment at the hands of West Brom in the FA Cup final but they were able to make up for it with success on the continent.

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Manchester United won the Europa League

AS Moaco were the side that stood in their way but the Red Devils built up a head of steam and were 3-0 up after 50 minutes, thanks to a Zlatan brace and a rare Luke Shaw goal.

Ander Herrera was issued a second yellow just short of the hour and Monaco got back into the game with goals from Quentin N'Gakoutou and Valere Germain but United did enough to hold on for the win.
And finally... the Ballon d'Or

Perhaps the most surprising discovery after a one-year sim was that Cristiano Ronaldo did not make it into the final three of the Ballon d'Or award.

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Football Manager 2017's prediction for the Ballon d'Or

Lionel Messi did, though, and won the overall prize.

But it was Atletico Madrid's Antoine Griezmann and Arsenal's Mesut Ozil who completed the trio.

Read more at [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Anyone that still buys this rag please tell me this hasn't made the print version.

You hated the article so much you posted the entire thing here

pilgrimfather wrote:

You hated the article so much you posted the entire thing here

I didn't hate it, I just thought it was shit. I posted the text so no one else has to fed them clicks to see how piss poor it is. It wasn't hard. Don't worry about me.

pilgrimfather wrote:

You hated the article so much you posted the entire thing here

Course he did.We just love hate on this site.

So the Herald has 'reported' on a fictional football season.

You couldn't make it up.

Didn't the Herald do an article about the results of the thousand-year simulation someone did of FM2015, saying how great Argyle would become? So not so much a new low as an old low revisited! I agree with you, Hugh, this kind of tosh has no place in a newspaper, although I fear the rag in question lost any right to being called a newspaper years ago. I like the FM series, but this kind of thing belongs on the blog of an enthusiastic amateur.

Mind you, haven't Argyle got some child participating in player recruitment who got his foot in the door of professional football by being a "player assessor" for this very game? Now that you couldn't make up.

I once got Torquay to the Prem in Championship Manager and I also won the Champions' League with Norwich on PES; I therefore claim my God given right to a post in the professional game (as if the two things are even vaguely related...)

I want to know how people have time to play computer football games in the first place

When I was young I always remember the Evening Herald (it was a broadsheet in them days) being torn into quarters and then hung on a hook in the outside toilet.

I'd always feel guilty as I'd end up reading the next piece before wiping my ass.

Certainly wouldn't feel that way nowadays.

When we were kids we got booted out the house with a football and told not to come back till dark..lol